Wednesday, April 22, 2009

just venting

I kid you not, as I was looking at these pictures thinking of what I wanted to write, Isaac projectile vomited on my face, in my mouth and all over my chest... I couldn't help but start to laugh.  He is such a sweet, easy going baby though.  I think his only flaw is that he barfs a lot.  And that's really my fault because he's on bad.  
I do hate venting, but sometimes in the moment you're doing it, it feels good to get it out.  I only hate it because I don't like putting out negative energy....but there are a couple things that have totally been bugging me.  I do really love both of them.  Here goes...Monet has seriously been driving me crazy!!  I have this completely easy, adorable baby who really needs very little attention.  Then, I have Monet.  Who I obviously love more than anything, but she is the most needy, frustrating child in the world!!  I set her up with painting, she paints all over the wall.  I set her up with toys, she wants to climb all over me, pull my hair, squeeze my cheeks.  Not in a nice way.  She's been doing this thing where she wakes up in the night crying and I try to ask her what she needs.  She just continues to cry and it escalates into a scream for about 15 minutes.  A whaling screem.  Isaac sleeps 8-10 hours at night.  Sometimes, Monet will wake up three times at night.  I get so mad and then I look at her and I feel so bad for feeling angry towards her.   I'm sure she's acting out for obvious reasons.  I just can't wait for her to grow out of it already.
Okay, next venting subject.  I love Robby very, very, very much.  He is such a good dad and husband.  I feel very lucky.  But, yesterday, he left for work at 630 am and got home after 9 pm.  If he was making money that would be worth working those long hours, I might say it was worth it.  But, he's not.  When I'm with the kids all day by myself, I know I'm not the best mom.  And, it makes me resentful.  Then, I start feeling sorry for myself and it goes on into a downward spiral.      
Anyways, I am done venting now.  Ahh, much better.  
Some good news is that I bought a really good used double jogger.  It is very light and easy to push.  Today was my first day jogging since the c-section and I used the ipod and everything.  I was actually sweating!  It felt so good.     


Damaris said...

being a stay at home mom is SO hard. I have no advice only sympathy. Good job jogging with the kiddies. I think that shows that you're doing some fun things too.

mariah said...

good job chelsea. you have more patience than i would in your situation... i found that out when i was at your house. anyway, i love you. call me sometime if you need a mental break