I've probably written about this before, but when I was 25, I finally reached a point where everything in life started to make sense to me. I had come to some conclusions about things I had struggled with my entire life. You know the saying, "It was like a load off my shoulders." It really was like that. I did a lot of soul searching. Checked out a lot of books at the library: Buddhist books, history books on Jesus Christ, Existentialist books. Spent a lot of time with my toes in the sand, watching the sunset, thinking about life. I saw things in a perspective that I had never seen them before because of what I had learned. When you don't have a perfect childhood (nobody does), some people have a harder time letting go and moving on than others. At 25, I reached a point where I was able to totally move on. Since then, I haven't had any animosity or negative feeling for people in my past. Only compassion. Even for myself. Even if I start to feel resentment, it quickly goes away. I was filled with this feeling of love and compassion and peace of mind like I had never had before. Shortly after that, I became pregnant with Monet and life got a little more complicated. I didn't have as much freedom or instant gratification as I was used to. That was fine, I still had the peace of mind, I just had a lot more frustrations. I love Monet with all my heart, but she was a very difficult baby. She had very bad colic and didn't sleep through the night until I trained her when she was over a year. I was dealing with that alone, so it was ultra stressful. I always think how grateful I am for the peace of mind I found before I had kids and started a family. As I was reading The Four Agreements, I remembered exactly how I felt. It brought back all these memories of the realization I had six years ago and how it helps me even today. I write this for myself because I love it so much. Here's a bit of my favorite part:
Imagine living your life without being afraid to take a risk and to explore life. You are not afraid to lose anything. You are not afraid to be alive in the world, and you are not afraid to die.
Imagine that you love yourself just the way you are. you love your body just the way it is, and you love your emotions just the way they are. You know that you are perfect as you are.
You can live....in heaven.